A couple of weekends ago, Louis and I were relaxing at home on a Saturday night. Between movies, we decided we were craving some snacks, so we headed to our nearby convenience store to grab some goodies. When we pulled up, we hopped out, and tried to head inside. I pulled on the door only to realize it was locked. Only then, did I realize a hastily scribbled note taped to the door:
BE BACK REOPEN 5 MINUTES.
Louis and I looked at each other confused for a moment before a lady in a parked car yelled out to us, “He had to go to the bathroom…said he’d be right back!” Slightly bewildered, Louis and I returned to my car to wait for the mystery employee to return. We watched, inconsiderately snickering, when several people walked up and tried to open to doors to the store.
A few minutes passed…then five…then ten. We began to speculate about the poor employee inside. We both agreed…he must have diarrhea. What else would cause him to force everyone out of the store, scribble a note, and lock up so quickly? We agreed we would wait a few more moments before leaving to go to a different corner store. After around fifteen minutes, a slightly sweaty young man was seen walking over to unlock the front door and let in the short line of customers that had formed.
We started to get out to head inside before we both suddenly stopped. Did this poor young man have diarrhea? If so, what if he didn’t wash his hands post-poop in his haste to return to his job? Would I want his fecal matter on my Chili Cheese Fritos? Did he have residue (resi-DOO, if you will), on the fingers that would grab my debit card to swipe? Would the runs cause him to run off again mid-transaction? Is that something we wanted to risk? Nope.
With those nasty thoughts, we backed out and drove down the road to a different corner store. My thoughts and condolences go out to the employee suffering that night. I sincerely hope he invested in some Imodium for future solo shifts. Best wishes, random employee. May the only number two in your future be a second coworker to cover for you.
P.S. Was this post too random and gross? Sorry, not sorry.