Humor – Hoots of a Night Al

More Like Inconvenience Store.

February 3, 2015 7 Comments

A couple of weekends ago, Louis and I were relaxing at home on a Saturday night. Between movies, we decided we were craving some snacks, so we headed to our nearby convenience store to grab some goodies. When we pulled up, we hopped out, and tried to head inside. I pulled on the door only to realize it was locked. Only then, did I realize a hastily scribbled note taped to the door: ~~BE BACK~~ REOPEN 5 MINUTES.

Louis and I looked at each other confused for a moment before a lady in a parked car yelled out to us, “He had to go to the bathroom…said he’d be right back!” Slightly bewildered, Louis and I returned to my car to wait for the mystery employee to return. We watched, inconsiderately snickering, when several people walked up and tried to open to doors to the store.

A few minutes passed…then five…then ten. We began to speculate about the poor employee inside. We both agreed…he must have diarrhea. What else would cause him to force everyone out of the store, scribble a note, and lock up so quickly? We agreed we would wait a few more moments before leaving to go to a different corner store. After around fifteen minutes, a slightly sweaty young man was seen walking over to unlock the front door and let in the short line of customers that had formed.

We started to get out to head inside before we both suddenly stopped. Did this poor young man have diarrhea? If so, what if he didn’t wash his hands post-poop in his haste to return to his job? Would I want his fecal matter on my Chili Cheese Fritos? Did he have residue (resi-DOO, if you will), on the fingers that would grab my debit card to swipe? Would the runs cause him to run off again mid-transaction? Is that something we wanted to risk? Nope.

With those nasty thoughts, we backed out and drove down the road to a different corner store. My thoughts and condolences go out to the employee suffering that night. I sincerely hope he invested in some Imodium for future solo shifts. Best wishes, random employee. May the only number two in your future be a second coworker to cover for you.

P.S. Was this post too random and gross? Sorry, not sorry.

Humor

Hoots of a Night Juan?

January 30, 2015 6 Comments

Hi! I know I kind of dropped out for a bit there, but I had strep throat…maybe. Let me explain. 🙂

Last Thursday my throat started feeling scratchy, and by Saturday morning it was so swollen and painful to swallow. Since it was a weekend, our doctor wasn’t open, so we headed to a nearby urgent care clinic. We had visited once before when Louis was sick, and I was just desperate for some medicine.

Thankfully when we arrived there was only one other couple in the waiting room, so I filled out the necessary paperwork and waited to get called back. About ten minutes later, a nurse walked out.

Nurse 1: “Aisle?” *looks around waiting room at us and the other couple* “Aisle?”

Me (thinking): Maybe that guy’s name is Kyle, and she’s looking for him?

Nurse 1: “Um…Aisle?”

Receptionist: “Are you looking for Ali?”

Nurse 1: “Uh, yeah. Ali.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry I thought you were saying…never mind.”

I got up and walked back with Louis down the hall with Nurse 1. Another nurse was standing in the hallway, and started talking to Nurse 1.

Nurse 2: “Oh, is that my sore throat patient?”

Nurse 1: “Nope, this is my abdominal pain patient. I’m taking her to Room 4.”

Nurse 2: “Oh okay good, I’m not ready.”

Me: “Um…I’m here for a sore throat…”

Nurse 1: “Oh! Haha! Gosh, guess I grabbed the wrong file! That could have been bad!”

Me: “Oh..ha…yeah…”

Nurse 2: “Oops! Guess you’re mine! Um, I’m not ready so you can just stand in Room 1.”

Me: “…thank you.”

It was obviously off to an interesting start. Louis and I waited for a few minutes in Room 1, until Nurse 2 arrived again and finished setting everything up.

Nurse 2: “Sorry! I’m so brain dead! My shift usually isn’t at this time. I had to get here so early this morning, so I’m totally out of it. I can’t think straight!”

That’s always comforting to hear from the medical staff working with you. We chatted for a bit about my symptoms, and she swabbed my throat for a strep test. The test takes a few minutes process, so Louis and I were left again to wait for the results. At this point, I realized how hot I was. I’m not sure if I was running a low grade fever or what, but I started sweating. I don’t mean lightly perspiring. I mean, I was dripping in sweat. I had on gray yoga pants and a gray hoodie because it was cold when we left the apartment, but I was DYING of heat in the clinic. By the time the physician assistant came in, I was embarrassingly sweaty.

Physician Assistant: “Hello, what seems to be the problem today?”

We discussed my symptoms, and she let me know that while the strep test came back negative, they were still going to treat me for strep.

Physician Assistant: “I’m going to go ahead and look at your throat and listen to your lungs and heart.”

Me (somewhat awkwardly): “Okay, let me go ahead and apologize in advance, I’m very sweaty. I’m not sure why, it’s just SO hot in here.”

Physician Assistant: “Oh, no worries! I’m sure it’s nothing.”

Me: “No, I’m extremely sweaty.”

Physician Assistant: “Um, okay.”

She began checking me out, and eventually asked me to lay down to press around on my stomach to see if my spleen was enlarged (apparently a symptom of mono). When I laid down, I had SWEAT MARKS on my yoga pants where my legs were bent from sitting. SWEAT MARKS. Stupid, gray yoga pants.

Physician Assistant: “Oh!…Did you work out before coming here? You’re…really sweaty.”

Me: “Uh, no. I’m sick. I told you I was sweating. Sorry…I’m just really hot.”

Physician Assistant (probably extremely grossed out by this point): “Oh…well, that’s odd. I’m thinking we should do a couple more tests, since you’re sweating so much.”

Awesome. So awkward. And gross enough that she wanted to run more tests. Cool. She eventually left (I’m sure to run her hands under scalding water after having to touch my sweat), and we were left to wait for another period of time. Finally, Nurse 3 arrived.

Nurse 3: “Hi, I spoke to the physician assistant, and she wants me to do tests for mono and the flu on you. The flu test is a nasal swab, and the mono test is a finger prick.”

Me: “NO!”

Nurse 3: “I’m sorry?”

Me: “I’m just really scared. Is it going to hurt? I’m scared to get my finger pricked. Is it going to hurt? I’m worried.”

Nurse 3: “I mean it’s not fun, but it’s not that bad. It doesn’t hurt too much. Have you ever had a mono test before?”

Me: “No.”

Nurse 3: “Oh, then yeah, it doesn’t hurt that bad.”

Me: “You’re lying. You asked me if I have had one before, so you could tell me it didn’t hurt. I know you’re lying.”

Nurse 3: “Um, no it’s really not that bad.”

Me: “I’m scared, I don’t want to do it.”

Nurse 3: “Okay, I can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do.”

Louis: “Just let him do it. It doesn’t hurt that bad, and you want to make sure you don’t have mono.”

Me: “You don’t know. You’re both lying. I’m scared. Does it hurt? I’m not sure I want to do it.”

Nurse 3: “Okay, well if not that’s fine, but I have a lot of patients to see. If you don’t want it, just let me know, and I’ll leave.”

Me: “No, you can do it. No, wait! I’m scared. Okay, do it. No wait!”

This went on for about thirty minutes. Not really, I’m sure it was only about twenty seconds. I was just so embarrassed I was being such a wimp, but so scared at the same time. I could tell Nurse 3 was getting super annoyed, Louis was laughing at me for being so ridiculous, and I was having a huge internal struggle. I finally let Nurse 3 do the mono test, and, honestly, I didn’t even feel it. What a waste of emotion and embarrassment. Honestly, the nose swab flu test hurt worse than the finger prick! I’m sure I gave Nurse 3 plenty to talk about to his coworkers. (“Yeah, that chick in Room 1 is such a wuss and super annoying.”)

Once he left, we waited longer for those test results to come back. Finally, our Physician Assistant returned.

Physician Assistant: “Well, all the tests came back negative, so…we’re just going to treat you for strep.”

Me: “Oh…alright.”

Physician Assistant: “So, at this point, I’ve decided to give you a steroid shot for the inflammation, and you can either get a penicillin shot or I can give you a prescription to take the penicillin orally. It’s up to you, one shot or two?”

Had she not heard the exchange I had with Nurse 3 over a finger prick? When Louis came to this clinic before, they gave him a steroid shot as well. He said it felt like someone branded him. As in, poked him with a fire-hot metal rod. No, thanks. He denies claiming it hurt that much, but I remember what he said!

Me: “Neither. I want no shots. And I want the penicillin orally.”

Physician Assistant: “Oh…you don’t want the steroid shot for the inflammation?”

Me: “Nope. I’ll just take some Tylenol. Just the prescription please.”

With that we were on our way out the door and heading to the pharmacy to get my medicine. I have no doubt the shots would have healed me quicker, but I had used up all my bravery for my finger prick.

I was feeling much better a few days later, when I got a call from an unknown number. I never answer when I don’t know the number, but thankfully they left a message. It was the urgent care clinic calling to check up on me…sort of…

Voicemail: “Hello, this is the urgent care clinic. We are calling to check on Juan. We know he came in a few days ago when he was sick, so we just wanted to see if the treatment plan was working. Please give us a call back.”

I quickly called back hoping they weren’t already on the phone discussing my medical history with another random person.

Me: “Hi, I just got a call from someone. I think they were trying to check up on me, but they said they were calling for Juan….so…I’m not really sure.”

Receptionist: “Oh…hold on.” *30 seconds on hold* “Ummm…yeah, we were calling to check on you. How are you?”

Me: “Much better, thank you. So, just to make sure, my file isn’t mislabeled? I just want to make sure my information isn’t being given to someone else.”

Receptionist: “No, probably not. No, definitely not. It was just a weird mistake. Glad you’re feeling better! Goodbye!”

So, with that parting statement, I’m pretty confident I cannot/will not ever return to that particular urgent care clinic. Between me sweating through my clothes, being a wuss about a finger prick, and being referred to as both ‘Aisle’ and ‘Juan,’ I think it’s safe to say I need to move on. I guess next time I’m sick, I’ll be heading to a different doctor.

Thanks for reading through this wall of text, and if you’re wondering, I’m feeling 100% better. 🙂 Until next time!

Humor, San Antonio

A Tour of Lolli and Pops

June 27, 2014 6 Comments

Hello friends! Today, we’re going to take a little tour of a glorious gourmet candy shop that recently opened at La Cantera, Lolli and Pops.

With its succulent filled window boxes and old-fashioned globe light fixtures, you can’t miss the precious, mint colored store front. Upon arriving at Lolli and Pops, you are greeted by an adorably dressed employee who offers you some scrumptious sweets.

While you munch on whatever delicacy they offered you, you spot glass cases full of decorated truffles and decadent fudge.

You will probably be stunned into silence by the wonder of all of the beautiful delights that surround you. Just pause and take it all in.

If you become choked up with emotions, look to your left where a freezer is full of delicious old-fashioned sodas to quench your thirst.

They have everything from classic Coca Cola to Avery’s SODAsgusting “Kitty Piddle” flavors. (It’s actually a delicious orange and pineapple combination…I don’t think it’s possible for anything coming out of Lolli and Pops to be anything short of amazing.)

If you turn to your right, the walls are covered with international sweets from several different countries.

At first you’re probably like, “Oh, nice to meet you, international candies.”

Then, as you turn around, you’re greeted by an entire wall of Texas themed candy.

And you remember, “Oh ya…I live in the greatest place in the world. No need to branch out to other countries.” Yay, Texas.

Once your head stops spinning from traveling around the globe, you’re greeted by adorable chalkboard signs leading you into the vintage candy room.

You can hear the yummy candy calling your name…

You can smell its sweet aroma beckoning you…

Then suddenly, you arrive in another candy hub! This vintage room is overflowing with classic candies that you grew up with like PEZ, candy buttons, and every flavor of jelly bean.

You could probably spend all day just chowing down and living life in this room.

However, your heart knows you have to continue, so you venture further into the chocolate room.

Resist your urge to frolic around the shelves of every color M&M, chocolate covered nuts, coffee beans, and more! Or don’t.

Suddenly, on your chocolate filled journey you are stopped in your tracks by a larger-than-life golden gummy bear. It smiles at you, beckoning you to taste the miniature versions of the statue that are created with real fruit juice in flavors you haven’t even thought of.

The gummy bear mecca is surrounded with sweet and sour gummy candies all gathered in one place for your enjoyment. There’s a solid chance I could live comfortably for weeks in this room.

By this point you’ve probably gathered nine pounds of candy in either cellophane bags or an adorable mason jar Lolli and Pops provided for you. You return back to the front to assess the damage on your wallet where you realize the preciousness of the store continues into their package branding.

Suddenly the price of what you’ve acquired doesn’t even matter because you know you’ll get to transport it home in an adorable gold-rimmed box or a classic mint bag. You’re practically begging the employees to take your money.

You may want to save those paper bags though, because trips to Lolli and Pops can become quite addictive.

Humor, Married Life

High Five for Friday #3!

May 9, 2014 2 Comments

Howdy! It’s Friday, which mean it’s time for another High Five for Friday! Here are five things that made me happy this week:

1. Cindo de Mayo: Monday was Cindo de Mayo, so I decided to throw a spontaneous, tiny fiesta for us! I made tacos, picked up Chili’s chips and salsa (so yummy if you’ve never had them), and got some glass bottled Coca Colas. Instead of stopping there, I put on the most traditional looking Mexican dress I owned (that had never been worn and will probably never be worn again…), twisted my hair up in a bun, donned my hoop earrings, and added some sassy makeup. Too much? Probably. With my getup on, I greeted Louis at with door with a loud, “Hola!” and mariachi music blaring in the apartment. He literally fell on the floor laughing, so I’d say Cinco de Mayo was a success!

I also whipped up this simple “banner” by cutting up some orange paper, adding the letters with a silver Sharpie, and taping them on our mirror. Easy as can be! Confession: it stayed there until Thursday when I finally took it down.

2. Being Married: I mean, this is a high five daily, but the past couple of weeks Louis has been leaving me super sweet notes for when I get home from subbing. It really makes my heart happy and reminds me what a loving, romantic guy I married. Also, yes, his handwriting is ~~probably~~ definitely neater than mine.

3. Pink & Polka Dots: This weekend is Mother’s Day, so we’re heading home to celebrate with our moms! I finally got a chance to wrap my mom’s gifts, and I’m in love with how they turned out! When I saw this wrapping paper and baker’s twine at Target, I just knew it was perfect for Sassy Kat! Pink and polka dots represent her perfectly. I hope she likes what’s inside the boxes as much as the wrapping!

4. Tiki Beach Candle: I picked this up during Bath & Body Works’ most recent 2 for $22 candle sale, and oh man. It smells SUPER yummy. It’s described as a “luxurious blend of toasted coconut, vanilla musk and orchids,” and I think it smells like the summer version of Leaves (which you know I’m obsessed with). It has a delicious, refreshing smell that totally fills our ~~mansion~~ apartment when we burn it, and it makes me want to eat watermelon and have a tan. Tiki Beach FTW.

5. #LivinDatSubLife: Um, I’ve been obnoxiously using this hashtag on all of the pictures I Instagram while subbing, and I secretly love it. I love that I used a TI-83 for the first time in forever this week. I learned to love listening to the same four chapters of Touching Spirit Bear on audio book seven times. I laugh that during every class, every day, at least one student sees “Mrs.” written on the board and asks if I’m married and if I’m even old enough to be married, which leads to a series of questions about my age, my life, and my husband. They’re funny. I’ve been subbing at the same school a lot this month, so it’s great that I’m starting to remember several of the kids and to have them greet me in the halls.

Hope your Friday is great! Mine will consist of packing and driving home to see family for Mother’s Day! Don’t forget to plan something special for the moms in your life this weekend! And if you’re a mom yourself, enjoy being celebrated! You deserve it!

Beauty, Humor

Tangle Teezer AKA The Official Brush of Disney Princesses

May 4, 2014 8 Comments

If you’ve read any of my posts that are littered with selfies, you’ve probably seen that I have long hair. Half of the time I feel like Merida because my tangles are so bad that I have to rip out half of my hair to get rid of them.

If I decide I don’t want to rip out half of my hair, it takes me as long as Rapunzel to brush out each and every knot.

Unfortunately, I don’t have any animal friends to manage my hair for me à la Pocahontas.

Enter: Tangle Teezer. I snagged this little brush for about $9 at Target a couple of weeks ago, and it’s been a serious game changer.

The Tangle Teezer was invented by a UK hairstylist, and it is without a doubt the best brush I’ve ever used. I think one of the best things about it is the fact that it can be used on wet or dry hair. I use it both when I get ready in the morning and to brush in my leave-in conditioner after showering.

It doesn’t even matter whether I’ve had my hair wadded up all day or been walking through a wind tunnel (What? Just go with it.), the Tangle Teezer glides through my hair like a hot knife through a stick of butter. I think it may be due to the fact that it has 1.8 million bristles. (Note: I have not, in fact counted the bristles.) It’s also great because I’ve noticed I’m pulling out far fewer hairs when I brush than when I use a regular paddle brush.

One thing I had to get used to was the fact that it didn’t have a handle, but now that I’ve been using it for a bit, I don’t even notice. Another thing worth mentioning is that it’s not meant to be used with heat, so don’t plan on using it while you style your hair. Also, it sort of bugs me that the name is Tangle Teezer since teasing your hair is literally the act of tangling it, but that’s just a personal note. I would have preferred Tangle Terminator, but there may have been some copyright issues.

So, if you’re sick of wasting hours being careful not to yank out your knotted hair, go pick up your own Tangle Teezer! You’ll be smiling like Jasmine in no time!

And Ariel! Except…no, not Ariel. She’s lookin’ kinda crazy here. Someone get that girl a Tangle Teezer.

1 2 3 Next »